This is the definitive guide to the 50 ages (and six heights) of a traveller.
Minus 12 weeks: The Civil Aviation Authority says: “Most airlines require a certificate after 28 weeks, confirming that the pregnancy is progressing normally, that there are no complications and the expected date of delivery.”
Minus eight weeks: British Airways does not carry women who are pregnant with more than one baby after 32 weeks.
Minus four weeks: BA will not let women with single pregnancies fly after 36 weeks.
Nought: You can travel free on public transport across the UK.
Eight days: Ryanair will let you fly on domestic routes, but your fare may be higher than your mother: the flat infant fare is £25.
You will not be allowed to fly outside the UK with Ryanair because you will not have a passport. However, you can reach Ireland on British Airways, which also has a minimum age of eight days for passengers and does not require a passport for travel within the Common Travel Area – including Ireland, the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands.
Two weeks: EasyJet will let you fly.
10 weeks: Assuming your parents applied for a passport on the day you were born, you can expect it to be delivered by now. Eurostar will take you through the Channel Tunnel from London St Pancras to Amsterdam, Brussels or Paris at any age.
Four months: Neilson will welcome you into its Starfish Creche, with a promise: “We have one nanny for every two babies. Experts in their field, they can recite any Disney song in a flash.” The weekly cost, on top of the price of the holiday, is £390.
The activity operator has eight separate age bands for children’s activities.
Six months: Crystal Ski’s Pepi Penguin Nursery is all yours, until you are four; prices start from £475 for six days.
Many cruise lines will allow you aboard, though for some longer voyages (typically those with three or more consecutive days at sea) the minimum age is one year.
Six months and one day: P&O Cruises will allow you on board most voyages.
Two years: On many scheduled flights you must pay the full fare (less Air Passenger Duty).
And it’s time to start paying the child fare on some trains. The railways of the Canada, Colombia and Namibia will charge you half the adult fare. On “weekday Acela trains” run by Amtrak in the US, it’s the full fare for you.
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