“Where else can you splash £100 and come away as happy as payday?”

Is there anything better than Duty Free? No, really – I mean it. For me, the entire joy of a holiday pretty much peaks once I’ve got through security, wrestled a rogue Birkenstock back from the baggage scanner and started planning what I’m going to eat, both on-board and before. (A Leon smashed avocado & halloumi muffin at Heathrow Terminal 2, since you ask; followed by a Pret chicken, avocado and basil sandwich for take-off, with a spare chocolate croissant for landing).

For then – and only then – it is time to shop ‘til I drop – or at least, until I’ve filled my cabin bag so close to bursting that the airline staff tell me I have to wear what I’ve packed to make room. Boarding really isn’t boarding unless you’re in five bikinis, three dresses and a mask and snorkel, sorry.

Still, it’s all worth it. Because while I love a week or two in the sun – Thailand, ideally, or the Saaarf of France – as much as the next rain-soaked Brit looking for a much-needed hit of Vit-D; to me the actual holiday isn’t even the holiday. The real holiday, my friends, is before you even get on the plane, in Duty Free. Even the words give me a sun-kissed shiver.

That’s right: I make sure I get to the airport in plenty of time before my flight for one reason – and one reason only. I know, I wouldn’t travel with me either.

But if you do ever have the strange fortune to be my vacation companion, be warned: we will be spending at least an hour “oohing” and “aahing” over Pat McGrath lipstick (the Bridgerton range with the to-die-for gold bows, thank you very much); and we will also be spending at least twenty minutes searching for the one that Taylor Swift wears (you know: that one. The Pat McGrath Labs LiquiLUST Legendary Wear Lipstick in Elson 4 – a red so perfect I actually dream about it; a red so divine and so eponymously legendary that it is, of course, completely sold out. And I don’t care how many holidays I have to book to find one, but I will find one.)

Oh, Duty Free: where else can you splash £100 and come away as happy as payday? Because spending money in Duty Free doesn’t count, you see – that’s the ultimate secret…