My lonely Christmas trip to New York was everything I needed after my divorce

I never thought I’d be back in New York after my first visit when I was going through a horrible divorce 15 years ago. In my Punjabi community women are often judged when divorced and the topic itself is taboo. This was a time in my life that I felt labelled as “used goods” and it wasn’t one I wanted to revisit.

It was my birthday in October and after reflecting on life, I realised I had stopped living after my divorce – and I asked myself why? I told myself that this would be the year that I start living, so aged 43 I took my first solo trip to Sri Lanka. Travelling was something I had always wanted to do growing up, but never had the freedom to as my dad was very strict and protective – he didn’t want me travelling alone because he didn’t feel it was safe.

The trip to Sri Lanka made me feel free and helped me find the independence I’d never had when married. Marriage in my community involves a woman sacrificing everything for her husband; I know my mum had done this and I realised I was doing the same, until I made the decision that enough was enough and walked away. I got married when I was 27 and divorced by 28. I remember being at a family wedding on that aforementioned trip to New York and sitting in the corner quietly, looking around and feeling ashamed.

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So it was time to go back and create new memories – but I was anxious. Christmas is usually associated with family, and I would be visiting the magical city of New York City alone at this time of year, knowing I would see lots of couples holding hands and people celebrating with loved ones. But as soon as I arrived in Manhattan I was filled with joy.

My first stop was Jackson Heights where I fueled up on masala chai and an amritsari kulcha (a soft Indian flatbread filled with potato and spices), before heading to Times Square to see MJ the musical. I was surrounded by couples and families, but as soon as the show started it didn’t matter – I was in the zone and danced the night away. The show took me back to my school days and I started the trip feeling on cloud nine.

I sat in front of a lovely couple who were visiting from Washington, both academics in their mid-60s. Paul was in the city to attend a…