You’ve probably heard people praise emotional intelligence – that mysterious skill that makes some individuals seem calmer under pressure, better at reading people, and more successful in relationships and work. You might assume it’s something you either have or don’t.
But here’s what decades of research show: emotional intelligence (often abbreviated as EI or EQ) is not a single trait, and it’s not fixed. It’s a set of learnable skills – and you may already be demonstrating far more of them than you realise.
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I’ve included in this article 15 subtle, science-backed signs that you’re more emotionally intelligent than you think. Each one is rooted in peer-reviewed research, not pop psychology, and written to help you recognise your strengths and build on them.
My goal is to show you (even prove to you) that you may be more emotionally intelligent than you think!
And because emotional intelligence connects science with everyday life, I’ll include research links you can check for yourself – so you know this isn’t just opinion or inspiration, it’s fact-based insight you can apply right away.
What Emotional Intelligence Really Is
Psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey first defined emotional intelligence in the 1990s as “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”
Modern research splits EI into several abilities:
- Perceiving emotions accurately (in self and others)
- Using emotions to facilitate thought
- Understanding emotions and their changes
- Regulating emotions in yourself and others
Studies consistently link higher EI with better wellbeing, resilience, and interpersonal satisfaction.
Note: Emotional intelligence is not perfection or “always being calm.” Even people high in EI get upset. What distinguishes them is how they respond and learn.
1. You Notice and Name Your Emotions Before Acting
Instead of snapping or withdrawing, you pause and identify what you’re feeling – “I’m anxious,” “I’m irritated,” or “I’m disappointed.”That quick
label switches your brain from the amygdala’s raw emotion to the prefrontal cortex’s reasoning zone.
Studies show naming emotions (“affect labelling”) reduces physiological stress and improves regulation.
And yes, I know: we are not really taught to name our emotions when we are children. So it is…