Campsite compared to ‘prison’ for issuing comically strict rules to guests

Escaping to the countryside is all about shedding the crushing stress of life, getting closer to nature and breaking free of the usual constraints – but one campsite appears to have taken a stricter approach towards those looking to relax on a camping holiday.

An extensive list of rules from an unnamed campsite was shared on social media, along with a warning that violation of the policies would result in either a fine, confiscation of goods or expulsion from the camp.

The photo was shared to the VanLife – UK Facebook group by Keely Ball, who sarcastically captioned the post: “This sounds a fun place to be.”

Despite beginning on a pleasant note (“we are glad you are here”) it soon moves onto seven diktats that become less reasonable and more passive-aggressive as they go on.

Guests who encounter issues onsite are urged to report them “immediately” rather than when they get home – a somewhat fair request – but are then warned that if the site finds out they have complained “via a third party” review site, customers “will not be welcomed back”.

Drinking and smoking are only permitted for anyone in the group if every member of the party is over the age of 18. There are no exceptions – if anyone is underage, “even a tot”, no one can drink or smoke, with a penalty of expulsion from the site for anyone caught breaking the rules.

Speed of drivers around the camp is tackled next, though the tone takes away from what is an otherwise sensible request.

The guidelines ask whether people can “see that little dial with numbers on your car dashboard” and introduces it as “a wonderful little device called a ‘speedometer’”. Expect a $50 fine for the first speeding offence.

Those hoping for campfires are only allowed to spark one up between 7pm and 10pm, though they must be no taller than 45cm – “THIS MEANS 45CM, NOT 46CM!!!” is written in capital letters – and wood must be purchased from the host, or else you can “lose your campfire rights”.

And when the campfire is out at 10pm (“doused completely with no embers”), the rules insist that there is “NO NOISE OF ANY KIND”. Thankfully “quiet whispering is allowed and encouraged” and earphones can be used – but only with permission of the campsite.

Strangely, no…