Tempted to gaze longingly into your partner’s eyes atop the Eiffel Tower this Valentine’s? Oh, please. To truly embrace the city of love, you need to do it French style. Forget canoodling by candlelight, here’s what I learned exploring Paris’s kinky side. Mon dieu.
There’s a hotel with a horny Mickey Mouse
Look away Disney! Step into Hotel Grand Amour and you’ll be greeted with a shiny Mickey Mouse statue boasting a 12-inch appendage. And that’s just the beginning: this 42-bedroom boutique hotel located on Rue de la Fidélité is upscale kink to the max, and each individually designed room has its own little quirk – think mirrored ceilings above the beds, a library of arousing bedtime reading (entire walls of some bedrooms are dedicated to bookshelves of 1970s erotic paperbacks) and bedside tables dedicated to women in raunchy magazines.
It’s not just moodily lit bedrooms either: flamingo-pink hallways are drenched in modern art from legends including Helmut Newton and Guy Bourdin. Classy, arousing black-and-white photography features curvy, slim and very naked women, while erotic carpets lining the corridors are festooned with abstract genitalia.
Saucy stays guaranteed at Grand Hotel Amour
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You can see erotic dancing that is actually erotic
Nothing can quite prepare you for a night at Crazy Horse. The high-end burlesque show is a nipple tassel, Louboutin-heel extravaganza of sassy, sexy erotic dancing by some or Paris’s most pert and polished women. Book ahead and settle into a plush velvet arm chair – champers in hand – and take in a multi-song session of highly seductive nude moves. Music ranges from plinky-plonky 1920s jazz to a powerful rendition of Alice Cooper’s “Poison” (complete with sequin red knickers and a swing – do try this at home). The pièce de résistance, however, has to be the arousing smooth-skin finale to INXS’s “Need You Tonight”.
The locals are no strangers to getting steamy
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You can booze in an ex-brothel
The clue’s in the name. Head to Dirty Dick in So-Pi (that’s South Pigalle), and you’ll be boozing in a dimly lit bar that first opened in 1934 – as a brothel, that is, in this formerly seedy red-light district. It was particularly popular with American and English soldiers during the Second World War, and through the decades the space…
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